Like Crazy

The other night, I sat down and watched "Like Crazy" with Alessandro for the first time. I had seen the movie when it first came out in theaters but after the lapsed time, it feels like a completely different movie.

For those who haven't seen the movie, the basic plot is that a British college student, Ana, and an American student, Jacob, fall in love while she is studying in California. Ana can't bear to leave Jacob for the summer so she overstays her Student Visa. Ana is then banned from the US and a series of situations result that tests the couple's young love.

When I first saw this move, I liked it. I thought it was a very interesting story. Though it seemed a bit "independent" for my taste, I appreciated the rawness of the film. I had just started dating Ale at the time and we had only been together for a few months.

Tonight, watching with Alessandro was like a roller coaster of emotions. You see, this is our story. Though some details and situations are different, the story and the feelings are the same. Some reviews have put the movie down for the filming of a series of moments rather than a comprehensive Hollywood story but I think this is one of the most truthful realities of the movie.

A long distance relationship is "moments". One of the most truthful lines in the movie was when Jacob told Ana while visiting her in London that "he doesn't feel like he's part of her life, he just feels like he's on vacation."

The sometimes bitter truths of a long distance love within the movie made Ale and I remember the truly painful moments that we went through. What starts off as just a young fun love with no consequences, quickly turns into something so much more.

When Ale and I first started dating we were approached by people in our life who had similar immigration situations. They asked me what was going to happen to Alessandro and I? This seemed like a ridiculous question at the time since the relationship was only a few months old and we hadn't spent more than a week physically together. I brushed off the question many times because I couldn't understand why everyone was so serious. I never had plans, I never even foresaw myself getting married so why were people asking about the result of my newly formed relationship?

Over time it became evident. When he came in January, at first as the movie portrayed, it took time for us to get used to each other again. It was weird having him in my world because although we talked everyday, he had never been part of my life in New York. Our relationship was unlike any other relationship because 98% of our dating was done via web. It was emotional, we talked for hours and hours every night. I stayed up late while Ale often didn't sleep just so that we could have every minute together before he had to go to work. Our jokes were via the phone and there was no physical relationship. We sometimes ran out of things to say and would just make noises... We fell in love with each others souls before we could even explore anything physical. So when my boyfriend was physically standing in front of me...it was weird. When you know you only have limited time together though, something beautiful happens. Something unlike any other relationship I have ever been in. You appreciate every single moment. We didn't let go of each other.  It didn't matter what we were doing because we were finally together.

When the trip ended, I didn't know how to act. My act eventually ended in an out pour of tears, knowing that we wouldn't be able to see each other for another 3+ months, when we would have to meet outside of the country due to immigration laws. Words cannot express my sadness, I couldn't even go with Ale to the airport because I was so devastated. In one scene, Ana is with Jacob in London on the train and then it flashes to her sitting on the same train alone a short time later.  This was my life. Trips felt like a dream. Where Ale was for just a moment, he no longer could be. There weren't many options. Alessandro wasn't going to be able to go get any other kind of visa to move here and I wasn't able to pack up and move to Italy or London, where he was living at the time.

The movie is messy, Ana and Jacob both end up in different relationships during the course of their relationship with each other and even their marriage. They are trying to fill the loneliness of not being able to be together with what is physically present.

You cannot explain a long distance relationship until you have had one. Even now, Alessandro and I are tested daily by the tasks of getting a Greencard. There are a lot of formalities associated to marrying someone outside of the US. Even before we set a date for our wedding, we had to consult a lawyer in order to follow Immigration laws by the book.

I said to my sister-in-law the other day, the interview with immigration wasn't going to be the test of Ale's and my love, all of the challenges leading up to the interview have been. When we make it to the interview, that will be proof enough of our love and dedication to each other. She agreed wholeheartedly, being through the same situation only a year prior.

The things that Ale and I have been through already, in just six months of marriage, are far more than some marriages will face in the first ten years. There have been highs and lows and breakdowns but they have never been about "us" or our relationship rather just about all of the politics around legalizing his status.

It really is amazing to see the strength and the patience that my husband and I have been able to have over the past year and a half. For two people who never spent much time physically together, our love is pretty strong. But like I said before, despite the hardships and challenges we are facing everyday, we appreciate every moment together because any moment together, is far more wonderful than even our happiest moments apart.